Winter's Summer
by fallenshadow42
Summary: "In the depth of winter i finally found that within me lay an invincible summer."-Camus. Russia can't stand the darkness he is trapped in and when he decides it's time for it to end it turns out he's not as alone as he thought. lets just pretend that was a good summery and read on. not russiaxamerica! contains oc. and ooc.
1. Chapter 1: Here

**hi! I gave up on this fic a while ago... but now i'm back at it, i should never have given up writing so please, just read a bit, then leave a comment, even if its to say you don't like it. please though. Don't let me give up writing again i need this, it keeps me going.**

**And so... chapter 1 commence!**

Snow covered the ground outside Summer Spring Lodge in the pristine mountains of Northern New York. The land steeped upward forming crevices and the high peaks of the Adirondacks. Trees rose high reaching for the clouds and brushing the blue-grey skies of early fall. The brush scattered across the rocky ground, thinning near a gravel road winding up the mountain side.

Nestled between two mountains or perhaps, a dip in a rather broad one, the building rose four stories, looking out over the valley below. Sheek and modern, built with steep angles, curves and river rock mixed with a verity of woods to hide it away in the forested backdrop. A small creek from an unknown source ran beneath a little footbridge and past the home, almost hidden by the landscape. A bright red truck sat on the gravel driveway, old and rusty from years of use in the harsh winter.

A group of people moved up the walkway, taking in the amazing views surrounding them. More than once someone would stop to inspect something more closely, only to be ushered onward by the rest.

"I told you guys this would be the best place for the meeting!" Exclaimed a rather boisterous young man, who appeared to be slightly older than nineteen. Pulling on the ends of his bomber jacket he moved up the porch to unlock the front door. "In you go!" he gestured to the people following him. they crowed up onto the front porch which wrapped around the lodge on the left before dropping off.

"Is there any pasta?" another young man, with brown hair and asked dropping his bags at the door. Followed closely by two companions: a tall pale man with golden blonde hair and a much shorter Japanese man in traditional clothing.

"Feli! We just ate lunch an hour ago," the tall man said looking down at his friend before leading the three inside.

"I think there's some in the pantry," Alfred whispered to Feliciano so the others wouldn't hear.

"Grazie!" The two ignored the blonde's deathly glare.

Two more people came up through the door. The shorter of the two had bright green eyes and incredibly unkempt eyebrows and messy blonde hair. The other man was taller, with long wavy blonde hair that fell across his shoulders. Bright blue eyes greeted Alfred as the two approached.

"I got you some scones" Alfred addressed the shorter man who merely glared at him before walking past muttering something about a "stupid git" as he did so. A quick apology came as his companion chased after.

Ivan stood by, watching as everyone went inside. When Alfred had told him they would be staying at a place called "summer" he had hoped it to be warm. Not with snow already on the ground this soon into the season. Still, it wasn't anything like the cold he had to endure every year at his home, were it snowed all year round in some places. Not like the cold that even now, so far from it, he could not escape.

Stood by and watched as the people around him moved around: talking laughing with friends. Hugging their coats a bit tighter to protect themselves from the frigid air; but knowing that warmth was just a few feet away inside by the crackling fire. Standing and watching what he wanted to be part of but knew he never could.

The only reason he was even here was because of the world meeting being held in few days, and another two within the next few weeks. A world conference after that. He'd have to be here with them for at least three months. Ivan was unsure of weather he'd even make it that long.

"Hey Ivan!" Alfred called. One person, at least, who wasn't scared of him. At least not as far as outward appearances went. "You coming in here or what?"

Ivan nodded to him, picking up the plain grey suitcase that lay at his feet. He walked up to Alfred, "where is my room?"

Alfred held up his hand, offering to take Ivan's coat and scarf, "just go up stairs and pick whichever you want." He smiled, pointing up the stairs.

"Thank you."Ivan walked past, leaving the shorter man standing at the door, looking outside.

The interior of the building was just as impressive as the exterior. The décor was modern and sheek but looked like it belonged. The colors on the walls and the filled bookshelves, even though the house was new it looked like someone had been living here a life time. It felt to Ivan like the house was part of the mountain. It felt different. Not wrong or anything but just…. Different. Like it could be a home.

_But I'd never belong here, _Ivan thought walking up the grand staircase. The banister was smooth and no longer had its brand-new gloss. Rather was worn and well used. _Not in a place like this. _

The stairs led into a small hall-way. Wooden doors leading off into different rooms. The wall paper crinkled a bit in a corner. A floor board rose up making a small bump in the carpet. Tiny details people wouldn't ordinarily notice. Things that popped out with striking detail to Ivan.

None of the rooms on the second floor held any interest to him. They were too big and flashy. Too bright, too friendly. They reminded him of somewhere he'd rather not remember. He went up another floor. Then another.

Finally on the fourth floor he found it. There was only one bedroom on the level. The rest of the floor given to storage, the observatory and two small, empty rooms. He walked into the bedroom and looked around. Simple and small and maybe a little plain . Yet they held an elegance that the others lacked.

Small, yes. But also cozy and warm. Plain and simple maybe but it was inviting. It had potential. Ivan liked it. He smiled just a bit looking around at the furniture. Beige walls that were unevenly painted with a bed pushed into one coroner. A wooden desk by the window that looked out onto the trees. A small painting of a mountain hung above the dresser.

Ivan looked out the window feeling a slight twinge of unease. The trees seemed a bit…. Off. Not quite dark but….

Shaking his head at himself Ivan turned away to unpack.

**Annnnd there! there's the first chapter. a lot more depressing than it was in the first draft...or second... this is the fourth... i feel like it still isn't good enough... (actually not so much depressing now that i've gone back and revised it some more. Just a few added details but this will probably be my least fav. chapter.)**

**So anywho... sorry if it's a bit rushed at places, that'll probably be were i started and stopped.**

**but really, just take time to say one stinking word. i want to know why you read or don't read it! just one little button. LOOK! there it is! right down there! go on. go review! **


	2. Chapter 2: lines

**Hi guys! Chapter two, all right... So this was supposed to be a lot longer than it is. I had another three pages written out on the original, it didn't even come close to what i had originally written. Not sure how i feel about this. the first draft had a hamburger party though! XD! So i decided the first person to review gets whatever oneshot they want. Also this isn't my first fanfic, more like my ten-billionth. it's just the first i've taken the time to type out and post.  
**

**Disclaimer: i, very sadly, do not, in a most depressing manner, own, alas, hetalia. *faint w/t hand/brow sweeping motion***

**So anyways there isn't really any more reason to keep you waiting so... (dramatical music! Ba-dun-dun-DUN!)**

**Chapter two begin!**

One week later

Ivan walked into the living room and instantly regretted it. The rest of the G8 had been locked in a deadly Halo war for the better part the morning; remains of breakfast still littered the room. He turned to leave. Out of the corner of his eye Alfred saw him. Two more steps to the door—

"Hey Ivan! Why don't you play!" Alfred called over his shoulder, fingers moving over buttons rapidly. "Oh shit!"

_So close!_ "There's no more controllers da?" Ivan smiled before backing away.

"There's enough," Alfred said tossing him Ivan the controller he just ripped from Feliciano's hand, ignoring his squeal of protest. "It's you, me and Ludwig against Arthur and the rest."

"The whole game's rather stupid," Arthur said from his spot on the couch between Alfred and Francis.

"Spoil sport."

"Git"

"Limey—Hey ow!"

Ivan caught the controller with one hand, "I have work that must be completed, da?" he said setting it down on the end table.

"Dude you're always working, just play one round?" Alfred looked at him with pleading blue eyes.

"Fine."Ivan sat down on the sofa between Alfred and Ludwig. Everyone else was either on the floor or positioned various seats around the room. He hadn't played this game before and fumbled with the controls for a bit, trying, mostly failing, to get the hang of it. One round quickly turned into two, which turned into three and so forth.

Saying he felt awkward though was probably a huge understatement. Even Alfred, normally clueless, could feel the drop in the atmosphere. After a while though everyone started to relax a bit. They switched up teams every once in a while and Ivan could feel a valuable morning slipping away. Not that he cared at this point. He could even feel himself laughing along to jokes; if only a bit half heatedly. After all, this little bubble of… of what? Not quite happiness, but not pain. No it was far from pain. Acceptance maybe? Whatever it was would be ripped away from him soon enough though, better not to dwell on it too much.

"Hey! Friendly fires not cool bro!"Alfred said, waiting to respond. "We don't shot our allies in America, that's not how the heroes do it!" He grinned laughing loudly.

"I do not kill my allies, "Ivan frowned, but chuckled a moment later. He didn't need to be defensive after all.

"'Corse you don't," Alfred laughed again.

_I'll go along, for a bit._ Ivan thought happily. _It won't hurt any. _Of course it _could_ hurt a lot if he wasn't careful. It would be best to just leave this. Stay away from everyone because he wouldn't be hurt that way. Don't let yourself be happy because it'll only be taken from you. Isn't that one of the first things he ever learned? It's always taken from you.

But it was _so_ tempting. To grasp onto this little life-line cast down into the dark pit he was condemned to. To hold on and let it bring him up into the light, to laugh and have friends.

_But is it worth the risk?_ That was the question that plagued him more than any other. Should he risk it? Risk the tiny, fragile string given him to break, to accept hope and have it taken from him? It would be. Oh yes, in the end it was always taken from him wasn't it? And the pain, the pain was always so much worse. It's why he secluded himself from everyone wasn't it? To keep them at an arm's length so they'd never be able to hurt him. And if they got to close he would just hurt them first. It's what worked. What kept him sane, even if just barely. Or at the most prevented his insanity from consuming him entirely because if he kept getting hurt there was no telling how much longer he would last.

So he should just leave it be, go back upstairs to his room and do paperwork that his bosses send and avoid human contact. He didn't need that line if it would only give him pain. Best to stay where he knew the dangers and how to deal with them. Stay where the dark and shadows were a comfort and he knew what to do and where he belonged. Best to keep the monster hidden lest it turn it's saviors into victims.

So why did he always, always take that damned line?

**Why story must you be so long on word and so short here?! **

** . depressing. i feel like my goal in life is to make my characters miserable. i wrote a happy story once. half the characters died. **

**i don't think there will be much death in this story though. Anyways a look into the inner workings of Ivan's mind that will help you understand some of his actions later. **

**i hope no one i know reads this :(**

**The P.O.V. changes next chapter! YAYZ! you'll love T-**

**? Character: Hey! Don't tell them who i am!**

**Me: ohhh why not?**

**? character: they must guess! and if they guess correctly the get a present!**

**Me: ohh! Ohh! what is it?**

**well you'll just have to review now won't you? Mwahaha!**


	3. Chapter 3:Run

**Hola! hello lovely readers and thank you for reading this far. It means you actually might like my writing. (although i would know for sure if you reviewed :D )**

**Anywho no one guessed the p.o.v. of this chapter therefore Prussia keeps his present for himself. (or maybe Canada;) ) **

**so anyway, i have updated every day so far and sadly that chain is about to be broken. Wendsdays are busy busy days for me. (sorry for the sucky spelling, never have figured that one out) But nonetheless, two more (or maybe one) short chapters and then they will start to leanghten! slowly but surely they will leangthen. (isn't it sad when even spell check can't tell what your trying to spell?{i even misspelled "spell check". twice now.})**

**i apologize for the chappy author's notes.**

**Disclaimer: i do own Hetalia actually. But its a secret so shh!**

**Chapter three start!**

She kept running. An invisible force pushing her forward, egging her faster. Feet slammed against the concrete. She willed herself on. Every second lost was one second closer to them finding her.

She had only had time to grab the school bag and jacket before she left.

She knew she should turn back. There was nowhere for her to go, nowhere she _could_ go. But she knew what awaited her there. And the girl could never go back to that. She refused to be a part of that anymore.

So she ran. She just ran and ran and kept running, out of the old run-down neighborhood she grew up in with its collapsing, broken houses and drunks and drug addicts. Past the old red brick high school where she kept her head down every day and tried to ignore taunts and jeers and the other horrors it presented her. It almost made her smile, to see the how friendly that hell-hole looked in the dark and the cold.

By now she was growing tired. Her legs burned and screamed for her to stop. Her stomach twisting with pain, almost unbearable. Almost.

She didn't even have food. _Stupid! I'm so stupid!_ She thought. The girl hadn't eaten since breakfast and wouldn't last long on the granola bar in her pocket. She hadn't planned this at all. She should have waited and planed and watched for a better opportunity.

She wouldn't, however, let this lapse of judgment ruin her. She would not make another mistake like this one. Why should she? After all she couldn't stop and go back and try, try, again.

Tears ran down her cheeks. _I didn't even get to say good-bye. Why?_ They fell freely for a few moments before the girls face hardened. She wiped them away, erasing the tears with a forceful hand.

She could not go back, would not go back. It was over. Whatever happened from this point was of her own doing. She had committed herself to this the moment she walked out that Half-rotten door head held high.

She was not about to back to that. Not now, not ever.

She ran faster.

**Oh? I wonder who this is?**

**for those of you who think you know the plot i can assure you that you don't. i love writing twists. Just a tid-bit. though this was kinda completely soaked in foreshadowing. **

**And my teachers always said "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." it was, like, their mantra or something. **

**Anyway please review! It means a lot to me! **

***sobs because has no reviews***

**remember****: every time someone doesn't review, Italy is denied pasta by Germany. Only YOU can grant him pasta.**

**by reviewing. **


	4. Chapter 4:bus

**Oh my god this is short! i have to leave for school in a few minutes so yay! by the time your reading this i'll be in school probably practiceing to march in a parede on sunday for band. sorry for the typos i did all of this in the past half hour but i wanted to post this today. i even got up at 4:30 this morning to finish my math early (i always do it in the morings it's easier for me then) so here you go!**

**i dont own hetalia**

**chapter four begin!**

Later

The girl walked on pleasantly humming a tune she had heard somewhere a long time ago and long forgotten the words of.

Everyone around her didn't seem to mind the cold overcast day, or the chilly breeze. Small raindrops splattered the cobblestone sidewalk. It was the kind of town she wouldn't mind staying in if she hadn't seen a missing poster with her face on it.

She stood in the middle to back of the crowd, blending perfectly as she had learned to do so long ago in that red-brick building. The bus slowed a bit before halting, letting the anxiously awaiting people on.

She waited her turn, holding the bus pass north in her hand but not to far out lest it slip and she be trampled by the people noisily pushing toward the front of the line.

She boarded the bus

**So yaeh fanfic isn't saying anything about the reveiws im getting but my email is?**

**review! **


	5. Chapter 5: Lost Thoughts

**Sorry it's taken so long for me to update! I went back and changed some stuff in chapter 1 and also have a new plot so go check it out!**

**But yeah i had a bunch of stuff to do, band school, i'm now treasurer of the science discovery club. Same crap with my dad not wanting me to go to church, me sucking at geometry,drama and the typical stuff that goes with being in high school. i have to get to bed in a few minutes or my computer will get taken. Again. -_-**

**anyway congrats to PastaKolCheeseburger-San for winning the one-shot! (that's what you get for reviewing ;) ) lolz prussia says you're awesome no go read some stories theirs now. (well after this one scince you're here) they're good!**

**Chapter 5 Commence! **

Ivan closed His eyes, lying back on the rocky outcropping. His feet dangled over the edge as he listened to the sounds of the forest around him. The wind blew through the trees causing frozen branches to rustle gently against each other. Snow crunched under a doe's light step and somewhere a bird chirped a melodious song, long and low and sweet. Comforting. Snow surrounded me, a soft, protecting blanket.

He couldn't bear the smiles. The atmosphere was far to alien. Part of his running was self preservation. Escaping before anyone could hurt him and isolating himself in the process. He had stopped coming out from his room during the day, instead taking many long walks like this one. He had his meals in his room and buried himself in his work, communicating only when absolutely necessary.

The other part was something else entirely though: fear. Ivan was afraid to be hurt again. Afraid that he would become attached to them, too scared to take the risk of the pain so he hid away. Burrowing deeper into the darkness he could not bear to be in, all the while begging to be freed.

Her hands itched. Not to be scratched but rather in a familiar longing, a long denied need. The girl needed a brush in her hand again; yearned for the painting she missed so. Regretted for the unfinished projects left before a goodbye and for the awards she protected. Probably trashed with broken pieces that earned them.

She longed to paint it all. All the mountains and rivers and trees she passed on the way north. Each chip in the logs bark and the way the sun hit the snow, throwing shards of pinks and baby blues as it dances across flower petals. The flowers, every perfectly crafted petal and thorn, so simple yet complex.

The girl leaned back against the seat. She hadn't painted in so long. Art. It used to be her refuge. A safe place in a world of dangers and horrors.

Miss. Day had known so much about her; her parents and her sister. She was cool though, knowing what was going on but she understood the girl couldn't leave. And in return for the secret the girl had promised to do well in school. To get out one day.

She had gotten out. Just not in the way anyone would have ever guessed.

High notes twisted in as another bird joined in, the melodies forming into something new. Something sad.

Ivan wasn't the great and powerful lion he looked to be to everyone else. Reality was so much more small and so much more fragile.

The bus stopped again. More and more people were getting off and this wasn't the first time the driver had looked at her; his once questioning look had since turned to accusation. She would have to get off soon.

It was suffocating him. The house. He couldn't take being in those clinical walls any longer. It was too much being that close people who could help him, but couldn't begin to understand what he needed.

Ivan walked slowly through the woods, along paths that were all too quickly becoming familiar to places he now knew far too well. He didn't want to be out here. Not like this. Not for these reasons.

But he couldn't stay inside. They were too close; it was too loud, too hard to breathe. He needed space to move not sit idle, waiting for something he couldn't have.

It was so unfair though! Why should he be cursed like this? Kept in this dark place where no one would reach out to him. His pleas and begging drowned out by a thousand miles of distance that could never be crossed. Though a wall a darkness that could not crumble no matter how hard he pounded it's gleaming surface.

Perhaps it would be best if he just left for good? He couldn't possibly keep going how he was for much longer. Ivan knew he would hurt someone if he tried so why not. Why not just leave it all and go somewhere where he wouldn't get hurt?

He fell to his knees laughing at the idea. Him? Be happy and unhurt? What a fantasy! Like he could do that anyways. He would just hurt himself more. That's all he could do though. Hurt and hurt and hurt even more forever. He laughed at the idea. Of the prospect of a time he didn't hurt; although he was sure there once was a time—far from his reach now. He laughed hysterically, tears streaking down his cheeks and sobs racking the back of his throat.

He lay there for so long in the snow, in the cold that fit him so perfectly. Tears freezing to ice on his torn face. Purple eyes looking down in utter defeat. How had this happened to him? He had been so strong before, what had happened to him?

**yeah my life sucks so i make the character's lives suck as well. ain't i evil :)**

**well review please! i smashed a few chapter together cus i din't like short ones, it would have been longer but i felt this a good place to stop.**

**REVIEW! Canada is forgotten each time someone doesn't so please, if only for our Canadian friend, review.**


	6. Not a chapter!

Okay guys I know this isn't a chapter but I'm really really busy. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out soon. My dad was a jerk and made me clean my room and I lost the original story and am kinda lost with it since I've been jumping back and forth In it. Sorry but I have a band compition sabado (yeah I can't rember it in English right now oh well.) although I kinda speak English on a daily basis so that doesn't make sense . (Whoever guesses where I live gets a cookie) and to all night practices this week. Tommrow and Thursday and a football game on Friday and two tests on wendsay and I'm getting behind in math so….

I will keep on with the story.

Probably sooner if you guys review *hinthint*

Sorry for the horrible grammer/spelling I got up at four this moring after being busy all weekend.

Well review the story!

Oh and what role do you guys think America will play in this story? I'm curious!


	7. Chapter 6

**all of you reading this had better thank tiggitneko for making me keep this story up. And failing my science exam in the processes! :D**

**I think this is my favorite chapter so far, it's only going to get better from here.**

**i will try to start updating agian :D**

**I missed this, writing... you know it really helps with... everything. and i think it's such an important part of me... i was a fool for trying to give up. **

**more after you read :D**

She had never thought it would end up like this. Oh! How life prospered in twisting her fate! How when everything went good something happened and isolated her once more!

The girl mulled over these thoughts as she walked through the woods, making her way uphill away from the road.

She'd always imagined herself as an artist. Traveling the world; being commissioned by kings and prime ministers and the most important people in the world to create beautiful pieces. And when not working for someone, creating for herself, all the things she'd see all the people she'd meet. She'd never have to go someplace twice! How perfect would that be, to her it seemed like heaven, never looking back, never having to do anything she didn't want.

But in all her dreaming of far-away places this had never crossed her mind.

xxXXxx

Ivan walked slowly through the woods; his thoughts still strayed to pain and sorrow, though his mind remained mostly a blank.

He had wandered off the path a while ago, winding his way across the mountain side. Not caring as the temperature dropped well below zero and the sky looked increasingly like snow.

She stopped for a moment to rest.

xxXXxx

_The bus stopped. More and more people were getting off and fewer got on each time. The driver had taken to glancing at her when the bus pulled up along the side of a road. She knew she didn't have long left. They were approaching the mountains. She would get off then. _

Time to go. That's what she decided watching the first flake of snow drop lazily from the sky.

_One young couple had asked her if she had someone with her. She just smiled and told the woman, "Just on my way to meet someone." It wasn't a lie, not really. She was on her way to meet someone. Part of her just hoped it wouldn't be for a long while._

_ The woman smiled, perhaps seeing through the façade, but left when their stop came, leaving the girl some trail mix as she went._

_ Not far until the mountains._

She pushed herself, trying desperately to find some sort of shelter, even if it was a shallow dip. The girl new time was not on her side. Her energy was running low, she turned to half thoughts as the wind picked up.

_The two girls sat on the swings laughing,_

_The woman with brown hair smiled and he called them over._

_Running. Her legs moved back and forth. Faster! Quickly!_

Snow fell quickly, the first few flakes had soon given way to a full out snow fall. It would soon become a blizzard. The snow was deep, the fresh fall had only added to the pre-existing snow making running, or even walking for that matter, near impossible.

She was so tired.

xxXXxx

Ivan knew he should go back. He needed to get out of this blizzard, he knew it was a dangerous one, blown straight out of Canada; anyone caught outside for too long would surely freeze.

But somehow he felt like should be out here. Somehow he wanted to. He wanted to freeze; see how long until they noticed. Until he was missed.

But no, he couldn't freeze, he couldn't disappear like that. No, he had to stay and wait it out. He was sure it would end one day, maybe.

Lately he hadn't been so sure in his hope.

xxXXxx

So tired.

xxXXxx

So impossibly tired.

The cold had long seeped into her very core; it burned inside her with a magnificent passion. Boiling her blood until it froze in icy crystals.

She couldn't remember the last time she felt warm, or even cold she was so numb. She reached for her blanket. Crooked fingers scraped her back; the back pack was gone.

The cold had been welcome at first; it had cleared her mind and filled her with a need for one goal. Now, failing in even walking, her mind slowed and called up a blank. Her thoughts where incoherent, barely being processed.

She didn't know when it was, at some point though she stopped walking, crawling? She couldn't tell anything but the movement. The pain that tore through her body, a cold fire held back by numbness.

She fell to her knees. So it had, impossibly, been walking. The girl giggled. She giggled and snorted and then full out laughed. Oh the irony. Oh how impossible perfect this was. She could sit here and think about this while dying.

Oh yes, she knew she would die here. But she crawled anyway; she would not let it come easy. The girl willed herself on, still laughing in hysterics, until she ran into a red fern; she huddled under the slight protection it provided.

She didn't have the strength to pull her legs under the brush with her. The girl closed her eyes slowly. She didn't deserve have come this far, to have had hope of escaping that fate. This was her punishment.

But, she mused, it was in some ways a blessing. _Yes,_ she thought softly, her thoughts barely audible,_ I don't mind here, this is a good place, I'm alone and I can't feel the pain. Thank you for bringing me this far, I'll see you soon._

But she couldn't bring herself to let go, she couldn't give in just yet. Her breath shuddered as snow cascaded around her.

xxXXxx

Something was wrong, he was sure. Ivan ran though the blizzard in the way that only one of his kind could. The cold didn't have the same incapacitating affection him as it did humans. He was able to push ahead.

He was sure he was the only one outside, there was nothing else in this vast wilderness. There was nothing to be doing out here.

He turned back for Summer Spring.

He turned back to the forest, the trees darkened around him. It was beyond Crazy*, it was insane, what did have to do out there?

Nothing. That's what. Absolutely nothing. It was empty, besides the wind and old memories.

Then why was there this… this thing pulling him there. Into the dark trees. They called him urgently. He didn't have time to stand and think about it.

Crazy.

He turned back to the lodge, and then walked straight through the silent wood, the raining snow.

xxXXxx

It was a warm blanket, like when she was little, curled underneath with her sister listening to Mama's voice read to them, a fire burned and she closed her eyes just as the white figure stooped over her.

**This was written to wake me up when September ends by green day.**

**But yeah, i had decided to stop writing, i just don't think that's possible anymore. it's to much a part of me, my constant friend, when reality goes to hell i can turn to my keyboard or my pencil or pen or whatever and write anything. I can go anywhere do anything. i can ride dragons and use magic or just worry about high school or ride crocodiles through the amazon.**

**so review, don't let me think no one cares because I really need this. tell me you hate it, it'll only make me write more.**

**but thank you for sticking with this fic when i gave up on it :D**


	8. alert!

Hey guys! Yeah sorry once again not a chapter. A lot of explaining to do here so read this! Even if there's like eighty more chapters uploaded and you're in 2018 or whatever.

1) I am deeply truly sorry for not updating. I'm a but face I know.

2) updates will probably be slow even with summer coming in a few days.

This is because two or three (I'm bad with time, last February 18th) I was put in Foster care. For those of you who don't live in the United States (Murica!) that's when DFS (DSS now no one calls them that) decide your family is crap and put you someplace else and you get moved around a lot and live on a three month to three month bases and it sucks. And then they send you back to your sucky family after going on about how they just want to keep you safe.

Because I'm not bitter at all.

Okay sorry for the mini rant. But now you know my circumstance and why these updates will take forever.

I AM DETERMINED YO FINISH THIS STORY REGARDLESS OF ANY DRAMA IN MY LIFE!

I will finish if it takes me years because I am from Missouri and we don't quit.

(I'm not a hoosier either. They're a few states to your left. I'm a skeptic cus we're The Show Me State. Thus why I will stop ranting and show you that I will finish. So bare with me please.)

And this is looooooong over due but:

**Guest**: Thank you for the first review. It made me so happy! And you told me what you liked which was very helpful. **PastaKolCheeseburger-San** no, I'm not in chile; I vagly remember asking if anyone could guess were I was from. And thamks for all your reviews. And your concern over there lack thereof. :D yay for you here's a virtual hug! **hug** **tiggitneko** you are awesome. A whole what is it 290 some pm's later. Hjdghjk oh my gosh I forgot that you had reviewed my story. And yeah poor Ivan. And America is a goof ball. And wait what song? Maybe I should go back and read what I've written. Might go do that now…. Or later. _If you're procrastinating and you know it clap youre hands/ I'll clap later!_ **Ryuketsuki** thanks for the review! Once again it was very helpful. Even if it was short you said what you liked which made me happy :D **Sarah James** thank you I will update as often as I can! **DaIvanBraginski **The girl is really important. Sorry you don't like her she does have a lot of angst although I'm trying to spread it apart. And sadly I'm basing her school life off of mine when I was younger. I had some issues and got ostracized for them so it was really hard.

And finally thank all of you who favorited and followed both the story and me! I can't say I expected this many people to like my writing.

Now all of you who are lurking back there. Review. I know you're there. I know how you sit and read on your phone your phone in bed or in class. Yeah I'm talking ta you!

But I do love y'all. You made it possible to get this far!


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